This is getting really serious!

OK, first of all attempting to communicate back to my mother's spirit and give it what comfort I can. Asking her name, so that she can be remembered at least. What can I do to release her from this haunting?

Her name was Lilliam.

Remember I have true seeing running so if this is an illusion I'll know, right?

This is no illusion, the spirit is real – or at least it doesn’t lie. Your mother was witness to the death of her kin and all others in the valley.

Next, I recall when we were powwowing with the Glaeynnyn you said I could summon Malkar at will if necessary. Doing it. Calling Malkar right here, right now. No pointing, saying "he says this is happening over there", I've done enough for him to earn answers on the spot, plus it appears we're family. I want to look him in the eye, point to my mother's shade, ask for his explanation, and decide for myself where the truth lies.

Malkar is before you…his expression unreadable.

“You had to know the truth, Valadain, or all that you have come to believe would have fallen apart. It was not without a certain trepidation that I gave you my brother’s heart…knowing that it would implicate me in the death of our family. If you are to be my disciple then you should know everything – I have nothing to hide from you. You have heard their story…now hear mine.

“I cannot defend my actions at the valley. The slaughter is something I will take to my grave…it has been my blackest day and one of which I am not proud. But my reasoning was at least sound – Manalkar had infested Grayhawk with his dark designs and had I allowed just one of his blood to survive then his influence would have taken control. Your mother was correct in that – it was Nature that spared you…and showed me a way to right the wrong of the valley.

“My family possesses the noblest blood of all. Even Loramas was considered impure when reckoning with us…but it is not as clear as you are now thinking. Manalkar and I are opposites; I am the sun to his moon, the daylight to his darkness. In me there is a heartstone also…but it is a heart of pure white – no darkness infests Malkar the White. You needed to hear their side of the story to make up your own mind and only then, my disciple, would you know my dark secret.

“There is no more evil or malice left in me. My dark days are behind me…I reserve such treatment for only the purest evil. But you can see – if you look hard enough – that my actions have left a scar in my soul. I am deeply hurt by what I have done, though even to this day I will argue that I had no choice. It would be a poorer place today if my brother – your father – were allowed to ascend to godhood.

“Grayhawk has two gods – possibly three if you count the Glaennyn – but there is no fairer or kinder guardian of what is right than Malkar. I gave you free will when I made you my disciple, Valadain, and I will not take that away now.

“I have slaughtered your father and mother and many of your cousins…but they were also my kinsmen too. Judge me harshly if you wish, but know that I will respect your decision whatever it is. Go in peace…my nephew…”

If my father is correct and the Good God is nothing of the kind, we may get a religious war all right..

Question: If things go really crazy and I go apostate, what happens to my clerical magic? Do I lose all spellcasting power, get to use up what's there and then run out, or carry on?

There is a precedence for this. Cedron (the son of Quizet Daesil and Loramas) denounced his chaotic deity. He lost all his clerical powers (though he kept his hit points) and went on to become the Master of the Nine Arts of Magic…there are no rules for this so I usually take it on a case by case basis. Priests, however, are granted spells by their god…if you denounce him then I suppose you won’t have much power left.